Having rekindled my love of nursing and helping people, a brilliant ward Sister encouraged me to reapply to study nursing at university. I had previously started a nursing course a few years ago but it was a sort of wrong place, wrong time affair. I’m pleased to say that I’ve been accepted into one university to study the Honours course and have reached the final round of interviews for another.
Despite applying after the UCAS deadline, I’ve still managed to get a place and an interview. I realise that I should be counting my blessings, lucky stars, etc. But I do feel incredibly overwhelmed by my small steps towards success, and of those around me. For what may be the first time in years, everyone who is dear to me is succeed and striving in one way or another and I couldn’t be happier for them; but it is at my own expense, at times.
I feel a huge weight on my shoulders to succeed so as not to let the side down, and feel that the negative wee voice in my head is almost leading me to self sabotage because my self-esteem is pretty low right now. I really wish it wasn’t; I’m not ignorant to what I have and what I’ve achieved. I’ve managed to maintain my weight loss; I live in a nice flat in a decent area and I have a wonderfully supportive partner and amazing family. Every light on the board is green and yet I find myself stalling unnecessarily. All I want is to enjoy my success and in stead I’m facing an impasse where my mental health is starting on a downward spiral.
The difference this time is that I am pro-actively doing something about it. I am talking to people and not keeping it a secret and am trying to take care of myself – my whole self. I want to finish this degree and have a long, successful and rewarding career in nursing. I’ve studied in university before and have some anxiety about returning as a mature student this September, though I am comforted by the fact that nursing courses tend to have a lot of students aged 25 and over.
I am determined to get through it this time and am ready for all the challenges nursing is going to bring. Are you returning to university this year, or going for the first time? Like, comment and subscribe.