“Time may change me, but I can’t trace time.” Bowie, D. (1971) Hunky Dory. London: RCA Music.
So life has thrown me a somewhat unexpected curveball. Normally I am akin to Garth Algar from Wayne’s World in that I “fear change” and often don’t handle sudden alterations well. My partner and I have separated, I am now living on my own again and I am only a month and a half away from starting my nurse training. So how come I’m actually taking it in my stride?
I have to come clean; I had my suspicions that my partner and I were about to go our separate ways. As much as we cared for one another, it became apparent that we both want different things in life and decided to split pretty amicably. I have decided to stay in the flat as I flew the nest close to six years ago now and am happy and settled in sunny Paisley. Whilst it still hurts and is quite raw, I am ploughing on with life and trying to organise everything for university in September.
I have once again realised that I have the strength to carry on; I can rely on myself and know that I am tougher than I look. Whilst I have good days and bad days, I can see the bigger picture and see a new and exciting future on the horizon, rather than accept that I would be going down that familiar dark spiral. I don’t want to have another false start at university as I feel I’m at the last chance saloon with it and I want a bright and prosperous future for myself.
My friends and family have been amazing throughout it all and a few have shown their true colours: some good and some bad. I feel that I am still in the right place for carrying on with life and know to watch what I drink and not to start getting lazy with my cooking – it’s times like these I’m glad I know how to cook and budget for one!
One thing that has bothered me is that I can’t seem to find a release in gaming. I have tried both new and familiar games and can’t get into it at all. I know that I am a bit distracted at the moment and very restless but I really want to get back into the gaming world and try my hand at vlogging and Twitch streaming, information about which I’ll post when I’ve set myself up. In the meantime, I am going to throw myself into some writing and meeting like-minded people to allow myself to open up a bit more and learn to accept myself. Things are going to be OK and I will thrive.